Nothing Good Gets Away

Since it's the last day of the "love month", here's a simple advice from one of my favorite authors, Mr. Steinbeck, to his lovestruck teenage son about falling in love:

source

Another Round

Life can screw you over countless of ways.
A sucker punch straight to the gut.
Legs getting pulled underneath the rolling waves.
Cars crashing right before the finish line.
People turning their backs just before 
you can say you're sorry.
But it doesn't always have to end 
with you lying on the mat, surrendering to defeat.
Take a deep breath,
breathe it slow and count to three.
Pull yourself up, brace your legs, 
raise your fists and look at it straight in the eye.
Demand for another round and this time,
make sure you finally get it right.

Until We Get There

I've always believed that

dreams do come true

somewhere in the future,

somewhere beyond the horizon.

I got tired of straining my neck,

trying to see as far as my

view can reach.

So I reached out my hand and

was caught by surprise 

when I felt the surface 

of a smooth mirror beneath my palm.

It was then when I realized 

that there's no need for me 

to look that far beyond the horizon 

for the reflection staring right back at me

was the future I once longed to be.

I got so used to chasing my dreams,

believing that it was always somewhere

beyond my reach,

when all along it was only 

one step ahead of me,

tagging me along in its journey.

Long Drive

I've been driving around
the city for far too long.
Driving in circles
with my hands gripped tight
on the steering wheel.
I've been driving around
for far too long,
my hands are already aching
from trying to stay in control;
that I forgot what it means
to feel the sense of freedom
as the rushing wind
brushed against my cheeks.
But it was you who reminded me
of everything I've forgotten.
It was only you I trusted
enough with my life.
As we drove around,
you placed your hands
against mine while whispering
against my ear, 
"Just let go."
And when I did,
I raised my hands into the sky
and finally felt free once again.

Drive a little slow, don't matter where we going.

as long as I'm with you, we can take the long way.

Drive a little slow, not ready to go home.

I'd rather stay with you, we can take the long way now.

Back to You

Oftentimes I find myself amazed
on how thoughts I never dared
to speak will soon be spoken by you.
Could it be, that we two
were truly of a single soul?
Separated by fate,
yet bound to meet again.
We were like marble dug deep
from the earth by a sculptor.
He wanted to create
a most beautiful piece,
so he carefully carved his way
through us and created
nooks and creases that slowly
tore me away from you.
As he put down his tools,
all that was left was you -
his masterpiece.
While I, as a dust, drifted
with the blowing wind,
circling the earth
as I try to find my way 
back to you.

.

Twist of Fate

Fate tripped me over,

and I stumbled towards you.

That's when you caught me.

Chocolate Soda with Three Straws, Please?

I can't believe that I just finished reaidng the last installment of "Archie", and boy was I heartbroken. I remembered the last time I read it was when I was in grade school and back then, they were all still in highschool. And now, Archie is gone, but his memory lives on.

Here are some bittersweet moments:

"It was time too commit to the promise I'd made before 

I'd understood what I was committing to. 

The promise to make her happy. 

And that made me happy too. 

Forever and ever."

 

"I'm not sure I believe in fate. The universe is just too weird to let me think any of this was planned."

"But then there are those times when you gotta think, planned or not, 

life is as it was meant to be."

"I mean, things haven't been so easy lately, but when it finally calmed down and the dust settled...There I was, exactly where I needed to be, with exactly who I always knew I wanted at my side."

"So...who knows? Maybe there is something to be said for fate, after all..."

Archie's last words. :(

I never thought I'd live to see the day that Archie dies.

But at least he died as a hero, while saving a friend's life.

Chocolate soda will never be the same again...

How Long Will I Love You

I envy the stars 
for they have seen
the world in their 
never ending journey
across the galaxy.
They have seen
the world in all of
its diverse beauty 
under the night sky.
Yet, I envy them more
for they have seen you
as you take your
late night walks around the town
under their watchful eyes.
And I envy them more
for they have seen you
as you sleep peacefully 
on blankets laid across the grass,
your face turned up to
their flickering lights.
I could only hope that in time,
when these stars align;
I shall have my wish,
the only one I dare to keep.
To watch you as you sleep,
with your head on the pillow
beside mine.

How long will I love you?

As long as stars are above you, and longer if I can.

Leading Me

I've always been fascinated with clear skies glittered by stars at night. I always feel this calming sensation everytime I see them appearing one by one through the slowly fading light of the sun especially whenever I see Orion slowly rising above me, knowing that he'll be there watching over me as I fall asleep. 

They're my security blanket. My anchor to the time where life once was as simple as finding joy in making a wish to the first star at night. When I was a kid, it doesn't matter if the wish would come true anytime soon; what matters for me was that I was able to make a wish, and it's only an added bonus if it ever comes true. And tonight, when I looked at the stars, I finally understood this weird feeling I get whenever I think of you. I realized that with you, I feel the same things I've felt everytime I watch the star-sprinkled sky. 

You amaze me, your presence always leave me in awe. You make me feel safe, knowing that in the dark, I'd find this flickering light shining from you. You gave me hope, that even though the stormy clouds come in between us, you'd still be there on the other side, waiting for my eyes to find you once more. You made me feel reckless, making me throw away the maps and plans I was forced to make just because that's what most people do. Instead, you made me follow your light and trust my own heart, the heart that you are now holding in your hands. 

Nobody else has ever made me feel this way before. Nobody else. Only the night sky glittered with stars.

And You.

**Music: Leading Me by Jordan Critz

**Picture source for the video: Mystic Rise of Orion by kopfgeist79

Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam

Hi! Since it's Kurt Cobain's birthday today (though technically, this will be up at 12am the next day :P), I've decided to skip my usual posts for the meantime. (Sorry guys. I'd make it up to you tomorrow.) 

Most of you probably might not know, but Kurt Cobain has always been a hero of mine. I know some of you might think that it's just all about the teenage angst and stuff, but truth be told, he's a person that I highly admire and respect. I'm very grateful that I have siblings who usually shower me with stuff I can't afford to indulge my self with and that's why I feel lucky that I have in my hands a copy of "Journals" by Kurt Cobain. 

So in this occasion, let me share with you some snippets of my favorite parts.

"Don't read my diary when I'm gone.

OK, Im going to work now, when you

wake up this morning, please read my

diary. Look through my things,

and figure me out."

>> From the beginning, I arlready felt a kinship with this man. I'm not sure if what I felt from reading his words was the same way he felt while he was writing it. For me, the reason why I write was because I want someone to hear me out, to be truly interested on who I am and what I'm saying, because they took the time to read the words I've written. Unlike if I just open my mouth, one could pretend that they're listening, but in truth, they're just staring blankly into space while waiting for me to finish speaking or for their turn to speak.

"uncertainty certainty
I wish there was someone I could ask for advice. Someone who wouldn't make me feel like a creep for spilling my guts and trying to explain all the insecurities that have plagued me for oh, about 25 years now. I wish someone could explain to me why exactly I have no desire to learn anymore why I need to have so much energy and the need to search for miles and weeks for anything new and different. excitement. I was once a magnet for attracting new off beat personalities who would introduce me to music and books and of the obscure and I would soak it into my system like a rabid sex crazed junkie hyperactive mentally retarded toddler who's jus had her first taste of sugar."

>> This one quite hit me a tad bit harder because I'm almost the same age as he was when he wrote this one, though I've experienced it when I was a couple of years younger. It made me realize that, boy was I lucky I made it through that turmoil without shooting my own brains out.

And this one is my most favorite of all (a letter to his dad):

"Seven months ago I chose to put myself in a position which requires the highest form of responsibilty a person can have. A responsibility that should not be dictated to take on this responsibility. Everytime I see a television show that has dying children or seeing a testimonial by a parent who recently lost  their child I can't help but cry. The thought of losing my baby haunts me everyday. Im even a bit unnerved to take her in the car in fear of getting into an accident. I swear that if I ever find myself in a similar situation that youve been in ie. the divorce I will fight to my death to keep the right to provide for my child. I'll go out of my way to remind her that I love her more than I love myself. not because it's a fathers duty but because I want to out of love. And if Courtney and I end up hating each others guts we both will be adult and responsible enough to be pleasant to one another when our child is around us..."

>> For this alone I tip my hat to him and I say, he would have been a great father to his daughter, if only he received all the help that he could have had. 

Suffering clinical depression and an undiagnosed stomach ailment without proper support system could really drive a person into desperation. And I hate it when people just judge him as a typical heroin-addict-overly-spoiled-rockstar and that the only reason why he shot himself was because the drugs got into his brain. I know that what he did can never be justified, but do these people even realize how too much pain and suffering took its toll on him? How can they pass judgement that easily if they've never experienced such things? Imagine you were the one suffering an ailment that even some of the good doctors could not diagnose and all that they could offer you was a drug induced coma-like state. Do you think you would have still wanted to live and let your kid grow up while watching you waste away? 

I know how it feels like to not want to be the cause of suffering of the people you love so you'd just rather die instead. (I'm not saying though that I was - or am suicidal, I only mean that I can understand where he was coming from.) And it's a little bit sad that most of the things that people can remember of him were these things. Reading his private thoughts made me appreciate the other side of me. The one that's not all fairy tales and happy endings. The one that evens out the balance. It taught me that there wouldn't have been dawn if not for the night. That there wouldn't have been healing if not for the wounds. And that there wouldn't have been hope if not for the tragedy. And for this lessons that I've learned I thank him and I pray that he finally found the peace and calm he was searching for. 

Kurt Donald Cobain

(Feb. 20, 1967 - Apr. 05, 1994)

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous!

Here we are now, entertain us!"

Shine My Way

I never knew before the warmth
of sunshine on my face.
I've been used to running 
and hiding underneath the
shadows of the night,
blindly guided by the
pale mooonlight.
Until a voice lurking in
the shadows asked me to stop,
and when I turned around,
I saw you standing there
underneath the willow tree,
hands clenched tight,
with the early light of dawn
beginning to shine behind you.
I stood there and waited,
until I felt your hand 
reach out for mine
and held on tight.
For the first time,
I learned what it feels like
to have the sunshine touch my skin
as it slowly soaks its way into me
and fills me with warmth to the brim.
Just because you asked me to stay.

Half-Baked Fortune

My fortune cookie for the Chinese New Year:

"Only a life lived in the service of others is worth living."

If a sign, perhaps in the form of a fortune cookie, pokes you between the eyes, would you still doubt it as your answer and ask for another sign?

That is another question for the universe.

Mixed Signals

The sun hasn't risen yet and here I am, so wide awake, thanks to our Fil-Chinese countrymen for a one day reprieve. Gong Xi Fa Cai! :) 

Anyway, the problem with being wide awake at this hour is that one can't help but think about certain things in one's life. Well, in my case, it's about work. It's been more than a year since I started this job and the weird thing about it (well, for me anyway) is that I stayed with it. It might not be the best one or the best paying job, but then I find myself enjoying it. God knows I'm not a big fan of kids - well, unless they're related to me - and that's why until now, it's driving me bonkering mad while I wonder what made me stay. 

Another weird thing was, now that I'm contemplating about looking for a new one, suddenly, several of my kids dropped these on me, all within the same day:

Kid1: Nurse, are you getting sick again?

(This is because I'm sniffling at that time and before that, I had been absent for more than 2 weeks because of chicken pox)

Me: Yeah, it's just colds, but I'll be fine.

Kid1: But still you have to drink medicine so you'd get better.

Me: Don't worry, it's just colds. It'll go away soon.

Kid1: But I want you to feel better because I want you to be our nurse forever.

While I was giving this kid her medicine, she asked:

Kid2: Nurse, you'd still be here when we come back right?

Me: (a bit confused) Come back from where?

Kid2: From summer vacation. You'd still be working here next school year right?

Me: (a bit speeechless) Maybe yes. I'm not sure also. Why?

Kid2: (with a sad smile) Really? Nothing. It's just that it would be nice if you'd stay because I like you 'cause you're very nice.

Surprised that I'm back in my station:

Kid3: Nurse, where have you been?

Me: I've been sick. Why?

Kid3: Because I was sick last time and you were not here.

ME: But there's another nurse here right?

Kid3:Yeah. But still I missed you. Don't get sick again, okay?

These were just some of the "bombs" these kids dropped on me. Now I'm getting confused as hell as to whether I should leave or stay. Truth be told, I'm a huge believer of signs. Yet at the same time, I'm also the most cynical of them. I know I'm starting to sound crazy here and all of these blabberings are not doing me any good. Now I guess I should just sleep it off and leave the thinking for the next day. 

Well, as what my current book read (Keeper by Kathi Appelt) says:

That is a question for the universe.

Waiting for Morning Light

We have led different lives.
We have walked different paths.
But we share a common dream.
Yet, will it be enough
to keep this flicker of
hope alive and burning?

Under the Same Sun

The day's at an end

and here I brought these

pair of weary feet

and yearning heart

underneath the comforting

shade of this lonesome tree.

This tree and I are of

kindred spirits,

both patiently waiting,

hopefully wishing that in

time, we'll reach the sky

even though our feet

are rooted to the ground.

We stood there,

underneath the light

of the setting sun,

the shadows dancing 

its way towards us.

We stood there,

both patiently waiting,

hopefully wishing 
for a miracle with the next sunrise.

Will you be there, when the day is done?

Will you be there?

Under the same, under the same sun

***If only I could play as half as good as him, I'd probably play this one all throughout the day. 

Something's Missing

You were the missing piece

I wasn't searching for,

but somehow your absence

has been a niggling thought

at the back of my mind.

I've spent most of my life 

not knowing who or where you were,

not knowing if I'd even find you

in this lifetime.

I don't mind about the time

we wasted apart though, 

for it might be the reason

that led me to you now.

I wouldn't mind waiting

for a quarter,

or even half of a century,

if that is how long it takes

that I need to wait

till I get to the day

where I can start spending

the rest of my lifetime with you.

It doesn't matter even if all 

I have left from this life

is just merely a decade,

or a year, or even just a day.

I wouldn't mind it at all.

For a day with you is worth

more than an entire lifetime

without you.

Jet Lag

If I have a round trip ticket
to get to where you are,
I'd jump on the first flight 
to get there on time.
Once I land my feet
on the same city that holds you,
once I breathe in the same air 
that keeps you alive,
I'd discard the next ticket
for the flight back
the first chance I got.
For what is good in holding
on to it, if the first one
already got me to where I want to be,
to where I need to be.

Message In A Bottle

I am the story that's written
by someone on this scratchy 
piece of paper, waiting to be told.
All my life I've lived inside
this weather-beaten bottle
that has been endlessly
drifting through the ocean.
I've seen the shores
from time to time,
lighting up a spark of hope
that somehow I'd reach
the dry land; but the riptide
keeps on pulling me back,
leaving me drifting once more.
All I have for company are
the lulling waves and the stars
that lit up my night sky.
And when the grey clouds
fill my view of the sky,
my heart starts to pound 
against my chest for I know
that the storm is closing in.
I brace my shaky hands
against the glass, as if these
tiny parts of me could hold
the bottle from breaking,
while the waves start
crashing over me.
When this happens,
sometimes I wish that
it will shatter into pieces instead,
just so I can feel the salt water 
wash away the drought from my skin
and let it dissolve me into oblivion.
But everytime the storm
passes by, and I realize
that my shelter stood still,
I always look at the sky and
breathe a silent prayer,
both of gratitude and of hope
that someday I will be found.

Photograph

With my head bowed low,
I told you to stop bugging me

but still you wouldn't listen.

I said,

"I've got to write this thought

down first before it flees away

from my nimble mind."

But you kept on poking the lens

closer to my face, the shutter

clicking endlessly, with you keeping

that stupid smile on your face;

forcing me to put my palm up

either in defeat or with the

intention to just swat you away.

But what you did next

felt like a sucker punch

to my heart,

when I felt the warmth of your fingers

slowly slide through the

spaces between mine

and grasping it tight

before I could think twice

about pulling away.

Suddenly you trained your lens

towards our clenched hands,

and as the shutter clicked,

and you with that stupid smile

still on your face, you said,

"Finally, I caught it.

Now that I have it,

I intend to keep it forever.

Any objections, love?"

Come Here

My feet have wandered 
for far too long.
I've watched enough 
sunrises and sunsets alone 
to last me a lifetime.
I never stopped walking,
and I never would,
until I reach
the place where you stood.
Will you be there
waiting for me?
Once I get to you,
will you not speak and just 
let me move in closer
until I can wrap my arms around you
and let my hands reach
at the middle of your back,
as if they're shaking each other
for a job well done?
Will you let my weary head,
already dizzy from lack of sleep,
hook its chin on your shoulder,
while my lips slowly roam towards
the skin on the crook of your neck?
Let me relive the memories that 
haunted me in my dreams.
Are they really memories or 
are they merely wishes?
For that I can never be sure.
Better yet, will you be willing
to start making new ones with me?
Ones that are in no doubt 
created by us,
not just by wishful thinking.

No, I'm not impossible to touch,

I have never wanted you so much.

Come here. Come here.

If Words Were Magic

If only these words
could turn into
something tangible,
I will write 
everything that 
is synonymous
to the words 
grab, hold, miss -
just to show you
how deep this
longing I feel for you.
I'd let these words
surround you,
to turn themselves 
into my hands, 
into my arms -
if it's the only way
that I can hold you.
But if these words 
can truly turn
into something tangible,
I'd write your name 
again...and again...and again,
and I'd wait until 
all of these letters
turn themselves into you.

Love Hurts

You want to know 
how loving you feels like?
It's like undergoing this 
kind of heart surgery but
without the aid of anesthesia.
It hurts - alot,
though it's of the good kind.
Knowing that it's you
who does the mending 
while patching it up 
with pieces of your own
makes the pain from 
all of the tugging and pulling
of the needle and thread 
through these worn-out 
bundle of muscle tissues
worthwhile because
I know that it's only you
who can make it beat again.

Echo

Could it be possible 
that a body could still
breathe and live without
its heart in it?
Because truth be told,
with you not here 
left a cold and empty space
here in my chest,
with nothing but the
echo - of the heartbeats
that once there was -
filling it.
But I swear,
I can feel it,
my heart,
beating wildly against 
the cradle of your hands.
Because of this,
can I just ask you a favor?
To please keep it 
safe and warm
till you can bring
it back home to me.

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me

Strange how it turns out that way, yeah

Could you show me dear, something I've not seen?

Something infinitely interesting.

Stranger Things Have Happened

Sometimes strange things 

happen when I roam around

the streets with nothing

but the voice inside my head

to accompany me,

in hopes that I could ward off

this sense of foreboding

that's washing over me.

I stood there, 

on the corner of the street,

my eyes glued to the blinking lights

over the pedestrian lane,

as I wait for the passing cars

to thin out.

Then strangely I thought,

standing in this sidewalk

somehow feels like falling in love.

You're just there, 

standing and waiting

for the right moment 

to safely cross the street

and once you do, you end up hoping

that the one behind the wheel will 

acknowledge the blinking lights above you

and they'll slow down 

or hit the brakes on time.

For if they will not,

they could either narrowly miss you

or, they could run you down.

Eyes On Me

You thought I didn't see you

looking at me from across the room.

You thought I had my eyes 

set outside, dreaming to be free

to fly through the night sky.

But I did. I did see you.

I had my eyes on you

when you turned around 

as I watch your reflection

disappear from the window pane.

You just didn't see it 

because I was too afraid

that you'd see right through me.

Where Is Love

I wasn't searching.

I never even knew what to look for.

I was not expecting

to find anything or anyone.

Yet, all it took was that

passing glance,

that flicker of a moment

that gave fate a chance.

When our eyes met,

all my defenses crashed down.

I never expected to find

anything or anyone.

Yet, when I looked at you

I suddenly realized

that finally, I have been found.

Will I ever know, that sweet "hello"

was meant for only me?

Gemini Dream

Once I found comfort swimming here, 

in the dark recesses of this frozen lake,

without feeling the need to break

the surface of the water for air.

The dark and the cold was enough to comfort me,

or so I thought.

Until I felt a pair of hands clutching me,

slowly making its way towards my back

while the other firmly holds onto my neck,

pulling my head closer

to those warm lips awaiting mine.

Then a sudden breath of air fills 

my lungs and for the first

time in my life, I learned how it felt 

to be alive. To want to be truly alive.

Let me know if I'm doing this right

Let me know if my grip's too tight

Let me know if I can stay all of my life

Let me know if dreams can come true

Let me know if this one's yours too

'Cause I see it, and I feel it right here.

And I feel you right here.

Stay The Night

The wind is howling outside.
Lock the doors,
close the shutters,
light the candles,
let the wrath of
the storm pass us by.
These frozen sheets are
never enough to ward off the cold.
Take my hand as it reaches for yours
and just lay here beside me.
Hold me close with the heat of your body
sending shivers across my back.
Let me lay my head in your arms
as I press my lips on them,
while yours travel across 
the back of my neck.
I'll hold your hand as it 
lay softly against my stomach,
like an achor that keeps
the nightmares at bay.
Lend me your warmth and
I'll share you mine.
Only say you'll stay,
even just for tonight.

That Thing Called "Tadhana"

We were pieces of a puzzle that 
were looking for the right one 
to fill our empty spaces.

We were overcome with joy

when we found each other and learned

that our tabs and blanks fit perfectly.

But then we looked at our 

reflection and realized that 

the picture we created was wrong because

the colors on your surface doesn't
match the ones printed on mine.
Should we stay and never mind if we're 
in the wrong place at the wrong time,
or should we say goodbye and let the 
hands of fate pick us up and land us on 
our proper places on the board?

Sa hindi inaasahang pagtatagpo ng mga mundo

May minsan lang na nagdugtong, 

damang-dama na ang ugong nito

P.S.This is the first time that I've used a Tagalog song in one of my posts and I'm sorry for those of you who can't understand it. ^o^V It's just that it's a beautiful song (and it's one of my favorites) so I decided to use it. I've checked though and I've seen several English translations for this song so please just look for it. :)

P.P.S. The title itself (That Thing Called Tadhana) is another matter. It's a movie that's about to be shown and I just kinda feel like watching it. I hope it doesn't disappoint. :P