Tea and Toast

I know some people find it quite a bit morbid to talk about death, especially in our age where everyone thinks we're still too young to think about it. But for me, I don't think so. Death is always there waiting on the sidewalk, sipping his coffee while passing the time, just waiting for your timer to go ding! And I was like, "Why don't I just take the seat across from him, grab his cup and steal a sip, while facing him eye to eye instead of just waiting to be caught off guard like a deer in headlights." So I began to collect my thoughts and transferred it on scraps of paper at hand...

It's funny how when I was in the middle of writing those letters that were "to be opened upon my death", I got a message from Rhio and she told me that she wants to do the exact same thing - this was around the time we learned of Cory Monteith's death. I started mine when she bugged me to learn the tabs for the song "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry. As I kept it on replay while practicing, the lyrics somehow got stuck on my head and made me wonder "This makes sense. Nobody knows when we're gonna die, but it's already a given that that's where we'll all end up. So why don't I just make my "will" as early as now, at least I got the time to prepare for it." 

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Don't think that by doing this, it means that I want to die young. I just don't want to leave loose-ends that would make people confused if ever I were to leave this world unexpectedly. I've met death once before, but it wasn't me whom he came for. One thing's for sure though, it wasn't a pleasant experience. Just writing about it now brings me back to day we met as if it just happened hours ago instead of three years. The only memory that somehow brings me comfort is that I was able to say my goodbyes. I know that some are not as lucky as I am, and I'm thankful that I got to say mine even though it hurts.

I guess from that moment on, that's when I learned to appreciate every moment that I wake up. Life may seem hard, everyday trials sometimes make you wish you did not wake up, but then you realize you're lucky you're still alive - at least you can still get to be hopeful for another day. Another thing that stuck with me after the day we met, was that I don't wanna die full of regrets. So I started to enjoy every little good thing that happens for me, no matter how simple or shallow it was. I'm not afraid to die tomorrow. If there's an after life and the people there would ask me,

"Do you regret that you died young?" 

I'd say...

"NO, because I got to live the life that I wanted to live. I may not have been able to accomplish some of my dreams. I may not have seen all the places I wanted to see. I may not have read all the books I wanted to read. But when I think back about all those waking and dreaming moments that I've spent especially with my loved ones, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. I won't cry for the things I might have had. I'll be thankful and happy instead for the things I had. So don't cry for me because I died young, because I tell you, I was happy and that's all that matters to me."

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Now here's a list of things that I would want to happen on my funeral:

1. I don't want to be put into a casket. Please don't. I'd rather  be cremated first within 24 hours then use the ashes for the wake instead. I don't want people staring at my coffin, looking at my death mask. I'd rather have them looking at photos of me alive and happy. That's the memory of me that I want them to keep. 

   

   If possible, I want an urn like this. Just a simple reminder that time never waits for us,
   so we better make the most of what we got.
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2. I want to be cremated wearing my Nirvana shirt and with my copy of Alice in Wonderland and my favorite stuff toy on my hands.
   
3. There should be a HUGE cork board posted on the wall beside or behind my urn. On it, the people who'll visit could pin smiling pictures of me with them. That's what I want for everyone to see. 

   

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4. Then play these songs on my wake:
• Pure Imagination by Jamie Cullum
• "If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it."
• Moon on the Water by Beck
• "Full moon sways, gently in the night of one fine day. On my way, looking for a moment with my dear."
• First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes
• "This is the first day of my life. I'm glad I didn't die before I met you."
• Disappear by Parachute
• "Walk away. Leave it all behind. I dream of the escape but never try."
• Forever and Always by Parachute
• " I love you forever, forever and always. Please just remember even if I'm not there. I'll always love you, forever and always."
• La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong
• "When you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart. A world where roses bloom..."
• February Stars by Foo Fighters
• "Even though pass the time alone somewhere so unknown. It heals the soul...February Stars. Floating in the dark. Temporary Scars. February Stars."
• Next Year by Foo Fighters
• "I'm in the sky tonight. There I can keep by your side. Watching the whole world wind around and round..."
• Another Round by Foo Fighters
• "Room for photographs. Box full of letters. Come on make it last, nothing else matters right now."
• Times Like These by Foo Fighters
• "I'm a new day rising. I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight. I'm a little divided. Do I stay or runaway and leave it all behind."
• Friend of a Friend by Foo Fighters
• "He's never been in love, but he know just what love is. He said nevermind and no one speaks."
• Everlong by Foo Fighters
• "And I wonder. When I sing along with you. If everything could ever feel this real forever. If anything could ever be this good again. The only thing I'll ever ask of you, you've got to promise not to stop when I say when."
• Where Did You Sleep Last Night by Nirvana
• "My girl, my girl where will you go. I'm going where the cold wind blows. In the pines, in the pines where the sun don't ever shine. I would shiver the whole night through."
• Tea and Toast by Lucy Spraggan 
• "When the skies are looking bad my dear and your heart's lost all it's hope. After dawn there will be sunshine and all the dust will go. The skies will clear my darling, now it's time for you to let go..."

"...and in the morning I'll wake you up...with some tea and toast."
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***Original post can be found in the Moon Sister's blog.