Can't Sleep

It's 2:22 am and surprisingly so, I'm still wide awake. I can't figure out if it's due to sugar and caffeine overdose or something else. (and now the song "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional is currently playing - too early to say goodnight). Considering that it's been a long day and a tiring one as well. That's why I don't understand why my brain is all wired up and my neurons are buzzing around all over the place as if the sun is up and shining. I honestly think I still have the energy to clean the whole house if I wanted to. Damn it. So here I am, staring at my computer screen, just spilling my thoughts out. 

So where should I begin?

Well, I'm still trying to put my life back on track. Since the pandemic hit, everything felt like it was all in shambles. To tell you the truth, (now, "Marry Me" by Train is playing) I'm not really  good with planning my life. At all. I probably got used to the idea of letting the circumstances decide for me. To let me be carried to where the wind blows. And I thought I was already content with that. But sometime last year, I realized that I'm not getting any younger and so I probably should start learning how to steer the wheel on my own. So what I did, I tried to resign from my post from my previous work. However, they asked me if I could at least stay for one more year. And I gave in. Because I thought it would give me enough time to work out my plans for a longer time. I even considered working abroad for the first time. 

THEN 2020 HAPPENED.

Everything went down the drain. It's like each day, I just get through it, with paranoia lurking behind me all the time. Where my only thought was that me and my loved ones should all live and survive through this. And it's excruciating and tiring. It's like my mind can't think of anything else but that, at all. But I try my best to stay positive at most times, because I can think of alot more other people who had it worse than I do. I still am grateful for the blessings that I receive each day. But when days are dreary, I just also want to weep it all out, like a normal person, only to let go some of my frustrations. 

So there. (Background music: cue "Everglow" by Coldplay)

All I want to say is, I just miss being the me that I was before all of these. I just hope that I will get to meet her again somewhere in the near future. So I can tell her that we made it through and that we've turned into something new, hopefully, into something better. And that we will start making again our own little ways into changing the world for the better.