Kishkes

Hi there. I just felt like blabbering for a while so please pardon me for this sudden outburst. You can just skip this one if you want, I swear, you won't miss anything if you won't read this one. ;)

As of now, I'm currently here at my work desk on a Saturday, because of the make-up classes required for the students to take for the class suspensions. I can't believe that I've been seating here on this same spot for two years and this place kinda grew on me. Yet now, I've finally decided that I'll just finish this school year then it's time for me to move on to the next chapter. It's a little bit hard and frightening for me to think that soon I'll leave this comfort zone of mine, to venture out on a new journey. But I have to. I don't know if you've ever had this feeling, but for me, it felt like I've already done my part, learned everything that I could from this place and there's nothing else left for me to do, but to turn the next page and start something anew. Otherwise, I'll just be stuck here, doing the same things over and over again. And I guess that's what I'm more afraid of than leaving my comfort zone, and that is, that I'll be stuck on the same place that I've learned to appreciate, but never really felt like it's where I'm meant to stay. 

How do I know this? you might ask. To tell you the truth, I really don't have any idea. All I can say is that I can feel it in my bones - in my kishkes. And I have to follow it because that's the kind of person that I am. I can rationalize and understand the logic of planning before doing something that can be life changing - but when intuition kicks in, all reasons get thrown out of the window. And it frightens me. To be this kind of person - the one who contradicts her own self. The one who can lay out all the reasons that she could think of on why she must not do something, but throws herself to the deep waters of the unknown anyway. Stupid? Brave? Call it anything you want. Because it's your own prerogative. But for me, all I could think of was that I should follow my kishkes, because if I don't, I have a feeling that the universe will gang up on me until I give in. :P

***In case you're curious where this is coming from, you should read Just One Day, Just One Year and Just One Night by Gayle Forman so that you'd understand. Hahaha! Because I'm currently rereading this book for the umpteenth time. Do I even have to say that it's my most favorite story of all time? :P