Boom!

A ticking sound bouncing off

the walls of an empty room,

as our gazes stayed locked

with each other.

Like a ticking clock 

measuring the time that passes by

while our bodies slowly

close the distance in between.

It wasn't until then, 

when the warmth of your breath

whispered against my lips,

until there's no more 

room left to breathe,

that I finally understood that

the sound I kept on hearing 

was not of a ticking clock

that's counting the seconds;

but of a ticking bomb that's waiting

for the spark of your touch,

before we explode and turn us

into a sprinkle of stardust 

lighting up the sky.

you're my favorite song, my sing along

you shine bright like lighters in the dark

and you're my clarity, the best part of me

you still make my crazy little heart go

boom! :) 

***Hi guys! Good news. My niece is already recuperating and she's finally out of the hospital. Thank heavens and you guys for saying your prayers for her. :) 

***On another note, this song is my new picker-upper song. I don't know why but every time I put on my earphones on my way out to work everyday, this song is usually the first one that will play on the radio. Boom! :)

How Can I Not

I was afraid to hold on to you,

because I knew that in the end

I will have to let you go.

You tore down the mask I wore,

when I used to pretend that 

I'm strong enough to face

my demons on my own.

You unveiled this weakness

and made me admit in arm's length

that it's only your strength

that could fill this void inside of me.

I thought I could save myself from

the pain of losing you,

if I  only I could keep

myself at a distance.

But I knew that all was lost

from that moment I laid my eyes on you.

Kiss From A Rose

I tried to ignore all the signs;

denied all the reasons why 

something felt missing

even though my hands are full

of blessings.

I tried to ignore 

and just blamed it all on

human's innate sense of discontent.

How we always want for more

even if we have more than enough.

But then again, 

my thoughts wander back to you

and then I understood why.
Because you can never have enough,

once you know how it feels like,

to hold a miracle in your arms.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Hello dear friends. So for two days now, I haven't gotten any good sleep yet. And here's why. Well, it seems like the universe has been listening way too closely with our conversations lately and somehow misinterpreted one of my wishes. It was just that a couple of days ago, in one of our random conversations, I casually mentioned to my friend that I miss working in the hospital so I'm quite hesitant on taking her up with her offer to apply again in the academe. This was actually the first time that I  voiced out this sentiment of mine. Then the next day, after I got home, I checked my niece because she has been sick for a couple of days and I saw that rashes appeared all over her body. So I talked with my mom and calmly (which is the only way you should tell her, otherwise you'll have both of your hands full with a sick kid and a highly anxious grandmother) informed her that it's a possible case of dengue so we went to the hospital immediately. There we confirmed that it's positive and we had her admitted. When everything was settled, and I was left all alone to watch over my niece for the night, that's when realization struck and I remembered the words I mentioned earlier. It was kind of unsettling that something like this would happen right when I was in that crucial moment wherein I'm deciding about my future. It's like the universe is telling me "You've put this in the back burner for far too long and now it's time for you to decide." Being back in that place gave me a sudden rush of feeling. Like I felt alive and I'm back in familiar waters. I guess it's really true that wherever your heart is, it makes that place home to you. And I think I found my answer. So for now, if the universe is still listening, I hear you. I. Hear. You. So please - pretty, pretty please - just let my favorite gal get well now. :')

P.S. Dear readers, please do pray for her recovery too. I'm not asking for much, just please include her in your prayers/meditations/wishes (whatever else you call it). It would really mean so much to me. Thank you. :)

Life Happened

I'm sick and tired of just

watching from the sidelines,

while the parade marches on

as they may pass me by.

Leaving me 

standing there,

gaping in awe,

as life passes me by.

Now it's time for me

to wake from this daze,

to take that step

across the gutter

and on to the road.

Away from the sidelines

to march on with life.

Lighthouse

Hers was a lost soul

wandering through the 

treacherous sea.

She traveled far and wide

in search of something

that could make her

feel alive.

His was the light

standing tall across

the still night;

patiently waiting,

burning bright,

guiding her safely back

to the safety of the shore.

***Hi guys! I'm back. :)) As promised, I'll post some of the stuff I wrote while I was away. I may not be able to post everything all at once, but I'll try to post it all within the week. Thank you for being patient with me. >(^o^)<

Sun and Moon
Unfinished Puzzle
Love, Luck and The Universe in Between

Love, Luck and The Universe in Between

"keep faith in me
soon
the time'll come
when the pages of this story
will open to the chapter where
each and every word
will take us to the moment
where we'll find one another."

Unfinished Puzzle

So here's how I spent the first morning alone at home while my parents and the kids went on an out of town trip to visit my grandma. I just felt good that I got to finish this one without taking a peek in the dictionary. It's just a little bit overwhelming that something as mundane as this could bring back some bittersweet memories from when my dad was still alive and I get to wake up on the sight of him on one of the chairs on the living room with his feet up on the table as his newspaper sits in his lap while he finishes his morning cup. Sometimes I wander towards his side (which I wish I should have done more) and take a peek on his unfinished puzzle and try to help him out, even though most of the time, I end up asking him more questions than giving him answers. There are so many things that I should have done more, but since then, I've learned to be grateful for what I have instead. I just try to pick myself up from where he left off in this unfinished puzzle that we shared and try to look for the answers on my own, just like how he showed it to me once long ago.

Sun and Moon

"You look so pretty", you said.
"with your light casting a 
soft glow against the still night,
I couldn't help but let myself
be reeled in towards you,
just like how you pull in the tides
away from the shore."

"I may be pretty," I replied
"but you are more."
"For all of this light you see in me
are just mere reflections of the ones
that I caught from you.
And I couldn't help but let myself
revolve around you
even if only just to keep one side of me
away from the cold ."

La Vie En Rose

Find me in the park bench

underneath the willow tree -

silently watching 

the falling leaves.

Sit beside me 

and share with me the calm.

And when the quiet 

starts to bother you,

look me in the eyes

and see from them

what my lips can't say.

For I might seem

as calm as the gentle breeze

that stirs around us,

but if you'll only try to lay

your hand against my chest,

you'll feel against your palm

the rhythm my heart creates,
the steady rise that happens,
every time you're close enough
for me to touch.

*** Hi guys! Just a heads up. I won't be around until next week because classes are cancelled for the APEC Summit. (Hooray!:P) But I promise to write some stuff on my handy dandy notebook everyday and I'll post it all when I get back. Pinky swear! ^o^

Kishkes

Hi there. I just felt like blabbering for a while so please pardon me for this sudden outburst. You can just skip this one if you want, I swear, you won't miss anything if you won't read this one. ;)

As of now, I'm currently here at my work desk on a Saturday, because of the make-up classes required for the students to take for the class suspensions. I can't believe that I've been seating here on this same spot for two years and this place kinda grew on me. Yet now, I've finally decided that I'll just finish this school year then it's time for me to move on to the next chapter. It's a little bit hard and frightening for me to think that soon I'll leave this comfort zone of mine, to venture out on a new journey. But I have to. I don't know if you've ever had this feeling, but for me, it felt like I've already done my part, learned everything that I could from this place and there's nothing else left for me to do, but to turn the next page and start something anew. Otherwise, I'll just be stuck here, doing the same things over and over again. And I guess that's what I'm more afraid of than leaving my comfort zone, and that is, that I'll be stuck on the same place that I've learned to appreciate, but never really felt like it's where I'm meant to stay. 

How do I know this? you might ask. To tell you the truth, I really don't have any idea. All I can say is that I can feel it in my bones - in my kishkes. And I have to follow it because that's the kind of person that I am. I can rationalize and understand the logic of planning before doing something that can be life changing - but when intuition kicks in, all reasons get thrown out of the window. And it frightens me. To be this kind of person - the one who contradicts her own self. The one who can lay out all the reasons that she could think of on why she must not do something, but throws herself to the deep waters of the unknown anyway. Stupid? Brave? Call it anything you want. Because it's your own prerogative. But for me, all I could think of was that I should follow my kishkes, because if I don't, I have a feeling that the universe will gang up on me until I give in. :P

***In case you're curious where this is coming from, you should read Just One Day, Just One Year and Just One Night by Gayle Forman so that you'd understand. Hahaha! Because I'm currently rereading this book for the umpteenth time. Do I even have to say that it's my most favorite story of all time? :P

Tabula Rasa

Fresh new paint over
white washed walls.
Moving on to the next chapter.
"Chapter 25" - she wrote
on the blank walls.
Creating new pages
over the old ones.
But on certain days
when the angle is just right
and she squints her eyes
a little bit against the light;
she can still catch
a glimpse,
a trace,
of how these freshly painted walls
looked like once before.

Note To Self from 2015

Hi there! So we have this tradition in this blog that I share with Rhio that we always do during November's new moon. And that is, we write to our past and present selves.So here it is. :) 

Dear 2015 Jhun,

So, how's life lately? Still writing that stuff you're not sure where you're getting the emotions from? Right now you're still drowning yourself on these weird emotions, I wonder if you're still feeling the same way or will you find your old self too silly. ;) Are you still feeling confused as you are  now? I hope by now you finally found the answers that you were looking for.

How's work? Are you still on the same job that you've learned to love, though the kids are making you crazy, or have you finally tried looking for a job in a hospital or someplace else? 

I won't ask you alot of questions this time. I just want you to tell me what had been the greatest turning point of your life starting this time. I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling something big is going to happen. I know, it might sound scary. It might even sound funny because who knows, maybe nothing would happen. But just in case there will be, I hope you've already gained enough courage to face it. Keep your chin up girl, we can make it. Tell me your story. What were the crazy, selfish things we did for ourselves? Any spontaneous decisions we did that somehow turned our world upside down or did we still keep on acting on the safe side? Now I'm curious about the stuff that we did. Trust me, it's okay if it's not all good. Just remember this:

 No regrets. 

Got it? 

I wish you'd have a blast this coming year. Make it good. Turn it into something worth telling stories about. Okay? ;)

Till We Meet,

2014 Jhun

*****

Dear 2014 Jhun,

Funny how in a span of one year, your world could really suddenly turn upside down. Here's the thing, we really had a blast this year. Too many things happened, and all of them are memories worth keeping. So let's start a trip down the memory lane, shall we? ;) 

First off, we had a good and not-so-good headstart with our year. Remember when we bought our tickets for the "The 1975" concert? And how we ended up having a case of chicken pox two weeks before the said concert. I mean, seriously?! We were already resigned to the fact that we will be missing the concert that we've waited for a whole year. But being the hard headed little brats that we were, we ended up telling Rhio that we've decided to join them even if we're all covered up in that freaking constellation of scars and what-nots. So for cover up, we swaddled ourselves in layers of clothing and face mask instead. Just like your typical bank robber strutting her stuff in broad daylight.:P (And it was a huge success!It doesn't matter how we almost got ourselves killed in a stampede though when we rushed four or five flights of stairs just for a free seat upgrade. Hahaha! We still felt amazing.)

It's also kinda little bit weird how this year was full of strange coincidences. Like when that time when you and Rhio were watching some random stuff on the internet, then suddenly thought of Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, and you just randomly mumbled "If these guys will ever perform here, we should definitely watch it. Okay?" Then just a couple of days later, you skimmed over your Twitter newsfeed then like a Jackpot sign, you read the post "Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye in Manila." Really. What were the chances? And also remember how when you were talking again about that show of Zedd that you missed while you were still in college, so you made yourselves a deal that if ever he makes a come back, you said that you would never miss it? Then after a couple of weeks, voila! He announced that the True Colors tour was coming.

So many things happened that it felt like a roller coaster ride. From music concerts (The 1975, Incubus, Owl City, Us The Duo, Zedd, Walk The Moon), and spoken word (sarah Kay and Phil Kaye); to musicals (Singin' In The Rain) and out of town excursions and food adventures with friends (too many to mention. :P including our spontaneous beeline to the karaoke just to relieve ourselves from stress). Add to that our scheduled runs around UP and that day when you let your friend drag you to a Zumba class, which admittedly, was kinda fun. Truth be told, if this was the last year of my life, these things made it all worth it. :)

I hope by now, you feel proud of what we did. Are you? ;) Anyway, on to the serious stuff though. Yip, we're still writing. And no, we still don't have any idea where all of these ideas come from. Reading too much books, probably. You know how you get that feeling as if you're writing to someone or for something? Don't worry though, I don't find our old self silly. I'm even happy that she started doing these things because now, we felt more lighter - freer. Though we don't write on a daily basis anymore, but we try as much as we can to post regularly. We stopped scheduling posts because we decided that it felt more real and more honest for us if we post the things that we created right on the spot because it reflects on what we feel for that specific day. I hope we can keep doing this as long as we can, for as long as we need.

On with our work. Yeah, we're still here. Though now we've finally decided that after two years in this job, we've already reached our peak; and it's time for us to plant our roots someplace else. We'll definitely miss this place though. We made new friends and we're thankful because here we've learned to face many of our fears and we learned to conquer them. And I'm proud to say that we didn't have any regrets. And I hope that made you proud of us too. :)

Yours,

2015 Jhun

P.S. By the way, I forgot to tell you about that selfish, spontaneous, thingy that we wanted to do even just for once in our life. We decided to join this guided road trip that will happen on the last week of December. >(^o^)< It's a three day road trip that will end up on a full moon beach party and here's the catch: the destination is random. We won't have any idea where we're headed off, and we'll just trust ourselves to the hands of the tour organizers. Good luck to us and hopefully I can still comeback after this trip so that I can meet our 2016 self. :P

*****

Dear 2016 Jhun,

First off. How was the road trip?!?!?! I seriously want to know. Were you able to make it? I hope to god you did because if you didn't, I promise I'll swear you off to the deepest darkest ends of the earth. Just kidding. For a moment. :P

So kiddo, how are we? I wonder where you are currently seated right now while you're reading this. Are you still surrounded by the books we've collected all these years? By the same walls that we've painted and written poetry on just a couple of weeks ago? Remember how you felt when you started repainting these walls and your heart just twisted a little bit because you knew that you're letting go of a part of you to the backseat of this ride because you felt that you have to do it to make space for new memories? I remember that after finishing this room and I looked around, it felt like the room became too small because my roots have finally grown too big for this place and they're longing to spread themselves in another place. So what did you do about it? Did you ignore that call or did you listen to it? What were your reasons? 

I wish you had yourself get lost. But not lost in the sense that you didn't know what to do with your life. I'm talking about getting lost in living - in fully experiencing your life not just by surviving it. When you let your own self decide where you want to go without the help of planned maps and  unwarranted advice. It doesn't hurt to listen to them from time to time, but I hope that the choices you've made are the ones that you wanted to do in the first place.

So where are we working now? I'm kinda curious as to where we've finally landed our feet on. Did you miss working in school? The holidays and class suspensions? I hope you didn't turn yourself into a workaholic idiot though. :P

What did we do? Any grand vacations that we had? What are the new things we've tried? Tell me your story. I promise I will be here to listen.

Yours,

2015 Jhun

P.S. Another weird coincidence. Because you wrote this post at home last night where the internet connection's still down (raawr) and was about to post it here in the office and when you opened up Tyler Knott's blog, this was his typewriter for the day. Need anymore signs my dear? :P

Fight or Flight

Hands shaped into claws,

grasping too tight

on tree top branches,

too afraid to let go.

Rattling bones 

and cracking joints,

like wood wind chimes

swaying with the breeze.

Fingers stretching,

unclawing claws,

knowing that

only till then

can wings unfurl.

Infinitesimal

We danced to the sound

of the pattering raindrops,

with the swaying trees

as our only crowd.

Take a bow.

Spin me around.

Hold me tight

before dipping me close

to the ground.

Wishing there was no 

space in between us 

as I cling tight to your shirt.

Across the Border

With one foot on the other side of the line,

I stretched the other leg out as far as it could go.

But in the end I realized,

that it would be the farthest that I could be,

if I'd be too afraid to shift both feet across the line.

So one at a time 

I forced my toes to crawl

until both feet were standing on the same side.

So now I ask them,

where do we go from here my dear friends?

Wild

You pulled out the words
that I tried keeping in;
dragging it through
the lump lodged in my throat.
I was too scared 
to speak it aloud,
too afraid of how 
you would reply.
But you wheedled it out
through my tightly closed lips,
gently coaxing them out
with your own.
Until there's nothing left
inside of me,
except for that
single gasp of breath
that you even managed to catch
when your lips closed in on mine.

You make my heart 

shake 

bend 

and break

but I can't turn away

and it's driving me wild

Reality Bites

I do believe in

happily-ever-afters.

It's just not for me.

Ruby Slippers

I'm all dressed up with

 my ruby slippers on. Where 

do I go from here?

Missing You

Which words should I borrow?

Which letters should I use?

How do I turn them all into

something that can make

you feel what I feel every time 

thoughts of you come creeping in?

Like a needle stuck on

a sand-filled cushion.

A sensation I thought 

that I could just ignore.

But whenever the wind suddenly

breezes in through the window,

it too tugs the thread

that was cut off long ago,

but still tightly wounded through the hole.

Tangled

Comb your fingers through my hair;
let them weave their way through
the tangles that refuse them to leave.
Let them keep you locked in their hold,
to keep you from moving far
as I take a dip,
as I steal a taste
from your parted lips.
Just to give me 
a hint,
a taste,
on how 
forever could feel like
while tangled in your arms.

In Flight

My path was plotted on maps
with straight lines from
push pins and strings.
But then I chose instead
to zigzag my way through it
like a firefly in flight
in the middle of a still night.

***Hi there. It's been awhile.:P Oh well, our four-day vacation was not enough to let me do all the stuff I needed to do over the break. But somehow I managed to do some of them like changing the theme of my room after doing a "spring cleaning", doing the laundry, dusting off my books (which I'm telling you, is a ton of work and took alot of time because I ended up skimming the pages of each book I wiped.:P) and I still had to squeeze my daily chores in between. So yeah, it wasn't much of a break for me at all. :P