Dear 2023 Jhun,
I don't know how you are or where you will be when this letter finds you. I just hope that you are somewhere that you wanted to be. Somewhere that you are meant to be.
I'm seriously curious about the path that you chose. Why did you choose it?
As I'm writing this, Dare You to Move by Switchfoot suddenly played and I got goosebumps all over. It's like the universe is daring us to move forward. Asking us the question "What happens next?"
So tell me, what happened?
What are the places you've been to? Are you still in the same workplace as before? Made any new friends? I hope this time around, you wouldn't wait for another 6 years again just to tell me your story.
Just remember, wherever the wind blows us, it is because it is where we're meant to be. We were put there because it is where we will make a difference.
Yours,
2022 Jhun
*****
Dear 2023 Jhun,
Where do I start with the story?
I just find it a little bit unnerving when I read your letter because it all seemed so ominous, especially after everything that happened this year.
Let's see.
Let's try to answer first the question from the Switchfoot's song, Dare You to Move:
"What happens next?"
What happened was some time early this year, I felt restless at work. Seeing how nothing is changing with all the wrong things that are happening in the workplace, I ended up being frustrated and just mad at everything. I became grumpy, always in a bad mood when I interact with the stupid people at work - but never with my patients, because I love them - I just get feral on those dirty cheats. I cannot make myself interact nicely with them anymore - I snarl at them like a lion aiming for the kill. It's like everytime I go to work, I always prepare for battle, unlike before, when I can still talk with them without showing any emotion. Especially around the month of August, I never had a moment's peace. I cannot sleep well. I cannot think straight. Add to that some of the dramas happening at home. I honestly had nowhere else to go. I just got tired of everything. I finally snapped.
Honestly, I still wanted to fight for everything for the sake of my patients. But it took a toll on me and I was not getting any better. I know myself. The person that I became that time was not who I really am. I can be that person when needed but not forever. I felt myself changing, but not for the better.
So I prayed for clarity and asked for a sign.
And that sign came in the form of social media post by an international NGO that I've been wanting to work with since forever. They're suddenly hiring for a nurse for their project here in the Philippines. So I tried to give myself a nudge to just try sending out my application without expecting for anything. It felt like I was just sending it out to the void just for the heck of it, just to get it out of my system. I even mentioned it to my bestie so she can nag at me until I submit it. Hehe.
Days passed and I didn't hear anything from them. So I let it go, thinking that that was it. Even though while I was waiting, I still get signs that it's for me. Alot of signs that I can't honestly ignore. But I only hope half-heartedly, since the other half of me wants to stay.
Come September, I decided to fly out to Iloilo to celebrate the said bestie's birthday with her. It's another one of those spontaneous decisions that I made only because I was so stressed out. And I'm so grateful for her because she was always there to guide and nudge me in the right direction whenever I'm lost. Then, lo and behold, on the morning of her birthday, I got a message that I have a schedule for an interview when I get back.
The interview went well. I even felt confident that I did good. But, given that this is me that we're talking about and this is my dream organization to work with, I still tried to keep my hopes level on the ground. Because at the back of my mind, I still believe that extraordinary things never happen to me.
Then, the email came that told me that I got it. I found it so unbelievable that I even reloaded my email account just to make sure that it's real. And it stayed.
So a couple of months later, here I am in the place where I wanted to be; where I finally felt that I am meant to be. Where I know that I can make a difference. :)
That's how I found myself settling in a new place just before this soul battering year ends.
On a lighter note, I definitely made new friends at the new work place - surprise! But still kept the ones that came before.
Places that I've been to? Well I visited Singapore with friends and spent days walking around and trying out the local cuisines - which for me is the best part. Up to this day, I still think about the Singapore Hokkien Mee. Thinking about it makes me want to book the next flight going there. I've also mentioned that I went to Iloilo for bestie's birthday adn we also did the same thing - just walking around and eating as many local dishes as we can. She even made me walk for miles just for the Pansit Molo, but in the end it was worth it.
So there you go. I hope you're proud of the decisions that I've made in navigating this course that we call life.
Yours,
2022 Jhun
*****
Dear 2024 Jhun,
Hey there!
So it's been a routine of ours to include the song that is currently playing while writing this.
And that song is...
Christmas Tree by V
I don't know why but this song never fails to make me feel all bubbly inside.
Anyways, let's move on.
So my dear, year older self, I hope you finally found the purpose that you were looking for. I'm so so curious. Did the plan for deployment for the emergency response to Gaza push through? Were you a part of it? I wish you were. and if you did, please just make it home safe because you still have stories to tell.
If it didn't push through, how did you spend your year then? I hope you still touch lives and make someone's day a little better. Never forget to be good no matter what evil life throws at you. But keep on fighting for what is right because whatever you do, it makes a difference. You may feel hopeless at times, but keep on holding on. Tomorrow will always be better, even if it takes a hundred tomorrows before it does. Tomorrow is gonna be better - never forget that.
Tell me your stories. Share the places that you've visited - I hope it's a lot.
P.S. Just a nagging thought that crept out of the back of my mind -
Keep yourself open to possibilities, whatever those possibilities may be. Life happens when you keep yourself open. (It even sounds like a song lyric - not sure if it actually is. Haha!)
2023 Jhun
