It Might Be You

It could have been you.

'Cause every time I

catch a glimpse of you,

I can hear my soul screaming at me

- "THIS ONE"

and every time

it would leave me breathless

from running away from that sound.

It shouldn't be you,

I said to myself,

because that would have been

too good to be true.

And that's what you are.

A miracle that happens

only once in a lifetime.

I just don't want to

use you up.

This song never fails to snap my heart into pieces then sew it back together. Yet here I am, torturing myself by hitting the replay button again and again and again. Pardon again my ever oh so hopeless romantic heart. ;) :P

If It's Love

There could probably be
no two people
more opposite than 
what we are.
Your waking hours
are when
I'm lying face down
on the bed.
You are already finishing
the fresh pot of tea
that you made,
and I'm just hitting
my first shot
of my daily caffeine fix.
Your side looks like
an artist's studio,
and mine looks like
a lunatic's cave.
Yet I don't know
how to explain this,
but it's everything you do
that is quite the opposite of
what I usually do,
that makes our pieces
fit perfectly
in just the right places.
Like how I feel safe and secure
inside the crook of your arm,
or how the stubble on your cheek
feels perfectly rough
against the palms of my hand
as I hold you close.

Hello Friday

Freedom. Take it. It's yo~~~~~~urs!

Hahahaha!

Have a happy weekend guys and gals. ;)

Toothbrush

Let's just keep it cool

- she said

Sure

- was his only reply

But every time

his lips touches hers,

and just kept on 

lingering there

It breaks her defenses

and makes her

only seconds away

from losing her cool.

***This is currently our guilty pleasure song. Don't judge. :P

Elegy for Virginia

A pocketful of stones

is the only reminder

that I have

of this existence.

Pardon me,

my love,

for I can't stop

the sinking -

no matter how

hard I tried to stay

afloat.

But as I sink

deeper into this abyss,

know that my arms

were kept outstretched

to your beckoning light

and that thoughts of you

will be the last thing

on my mind.

Travel Diary #1

If you're expecting for an account of my vacation travel, this is SO NOT IT. Pardon me if the title mislead you, but in truth, this is just all about my commute to and from work. :P

So for the first entry.

Usually, whenever I ride the FX or jeep to the office, I always have my earphones on. Since it's a long travel (around 30mins to an hour depending on the the traffic) and I forgot to place a book inside my bag, I ended up mulling some random things over my head. And the one that popped in today was the last book I finished which was All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't read the book yet and you're planning to, you may stop now and just get back to this once your done. A'right? Now that you've been warned, let me continue.

So as I was thinking it over, I suddenly felt sad as I remembered how the story of Finch and Violet eventually turned out.  Just to give you a background of the story, Finch was a boy with a bipolar disorder (although you only have to assume this on the first parts of the book because it wasn't initially acknowledged) and he met Violet, a girl who got into a vehicular accident with her sister and the sister died and she survived. They ended up doing a school project wandering around Indiana. They fell in love. They fought. Then in the end, Finch took away his life. But take note that he did it not because of their fight. 

I can actually imagine how Violet felt that time when she realized that Finch was dead. How she felt helpless because she thought that she could've done something to save him. And I know how it feels to be helpless from saving the one that you love. It's like getting sucker punched and no matter how hard you try, your chest just feels too tight and you can't get a breath into your lungs. Sometimes you wonder if the pain will just go away on its own if you will stop catching your breath and just let it all out until it hurts no more. 

I guess I'll never know. Because the pain is still there, and I'm glad for it. Although not for the days when you get sucker punched again, but for the days that you felt strong enough to brave it through. And honestly, the pain made me feel alive. It made me want to see the beauty in all things, no matter how simple they are. It taught me how to live my life to the fullest. And spend every waking hour as if it's my last. :)

P.S. I don't know if I've mentioned it already, but I have this weird connection with my playlist and songs playing on the radio. Most of the time, the songs that are popping out of my head will suddenly play as if on cue. Trust me, it happens most of the time. I even have a witness if you ever need one. :P Anyway, for today, Red Hot Chili Pepper's Under the Bridge played on the radio as I was beginning my "reflections" and it seemed so fitting for my thoughts. Then when I got to the part wherein I thought of how heartbreaking it was when Finch took away his life, Smells Like Teen Spirit played next. And for those of you who didn't know, Kurt Cobain is one of my favorite guys and just like Finch, he too took away his life. Then when I arrived in the office, I checked my Facebook account since I still have a few minutes before I need to start on my work. And when I opened it, the only notification that I had was a memory from a couple of years ago when I changed both my profile pic and cover pic to Nirvana. I know you might say that it was just a coincidence, and all I can say is coincidence has been a regular part of my life lately. ;)

P.P.S. You might find it bothering/weird if I say that one of my favorite pieces is the suicide letter of Virginia Woolf, which was also mentioned in the book. Read it for yourself though before you judge.

Dearest,

I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.

Love is Patient

I could have told you 

I love you 

the first time,

if only I knew where to find you.

I can feel your soul

roaming around

the same world as mine,

but our paths never did cross.

Maybe we were just not 

meant to meet in this lifetime.

But if there's one thing

I've learned in this one,

it's how to be patient.

So maybe when we meet in

the next one,

the universe will be kind enough

to drop us on the same side

of the world,

and make finding each other

much easier.

Sleep Walker

I walked down through these

once familiar streets; Now it's

empty without you.

*** Found this among my unpublished posts from 3 years ago. :P

Heartbeat

I wouldn't trade this 

moment for anything else.

When we settle into this,

with you heart

thudding erratically against 

the walls of your chest

and reverberates into mine,

the world suddenly shrinks

into this globe of glass

that seems like to hold

only just the two of us,

safe against the storm

that is howling,

waiting for us outside.

It Was Only Just A Dream

Just a funny feeling. Have you ever had this dream that keeps on bothering you even though it really wasn't that unusual? Because I have this one dream that somehow my mind doesn't want to let go. The weird thing about it for me was it didn't feel like a dream. It felt more like of a memory. Like I lived it in another parallel universe while I was asleep in this one. There was nothing special about it, really. Here's how it goes:

I was wandering around the town with someone (I actually can't remember if it's a he or a she) when we suddenly went into an antique shop where that person told me that it's the place where the music video of a certain song was shot. I asked him/her for the title and s/he told me. I said that I didn't recognize that song but suddenly, it played in the store's sound system. And that's when I recognized it. (Actually, the title that the person told me in my dream was different than it's title in the real world). The song that played was "Love is the Answer". The funny thing about it was it's when I woke up and the song that was playing on my radio was that song, so probably it just snuck into my dream and that's how it got there. But now, everytime I hear this song, it makes me feel like I have to remember something from my dream. And I'm getting bothered too much lately because it's been popping out of nowhere and playing in unusual places. 

P.S. 05/16: I just remembered. One of the things that caught my attention was how the antique shop looked. As far as I can remember, the facade looked like your usual stone buildings; but once you get inside the door, it looked like an attic. What's weird though was after getting inside the door, there's a platform with a balcony first and a short staircase (around 5-6 steps) to your right leading you downstairs. Get it? Attic? Downstairs? Anyway, the interior itself looked like an attic, complete with an A-shaped roof and windows on the sides where the afternoon sun shines in. 

Song For Someone

Living a life

distracted by the mundane.

Spending the hours

surviving this

emptiness

lurking inside of me.

I tried to settle

into what they call

a regular life;

a nine to five job

and a regular paycheck

at the end of each month.

It was enough -

I told myself.

To fill this hollow pit.

But in these unguarded moments,

my soul screams out

a song - 

a silent one

that cannot be heard.

But can certainly be felt

by someone out there.

You let me into a conversation

A conversation only we could make

You're breaking into my imagination

Whatever's in there is yours to take

I was told I'd feel

Nothing the first time

You were slow to heal

But this could be the night